i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize