Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
