I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
