Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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