WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
