Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
