She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
