I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
