Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
