I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
