i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
