i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
