Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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