i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
