Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
