The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
