So drunk its hurt
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
