i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
