I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
