i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
