But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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