this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
