I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
