finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
