You just made me feel so damn special
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
