This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
