so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
