im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
