it wasn't lemon gatorade
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
