there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
