Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
