I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
