I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
