is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
