worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
