I need help removing her.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize