do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
