At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
