I love black thongs
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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