It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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