Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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