I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
