It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
