Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
