she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
