bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
honey bunches of taint.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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