he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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