just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize