he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
