I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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