How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need a beard to bite.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
