It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
