bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
