My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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