ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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