he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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