this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
