dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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