Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
