I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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