I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
