I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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