omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
