$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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