please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
