they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
