a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
