Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
