Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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