I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize