ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
