We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
