When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Someone signed my nipple.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
