Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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