I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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