Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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