dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
