It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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