got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
