we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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