i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
